I've always had a strong love for all things farmy. I grew up in good old Central Illinois way out in the country, and I guess that rural upbringing just wired me to love the land. There's no escaping it when you live down state. Even if you live in town you're only 10 minutes from the edge, which equals pure country. That's one of my very favorite things about going home. It's all rural.
It's something I miss a lot. I crave it with every fiber of my being. It relaxes me being out in the open. I'm pretty sure my shoulders lower a bit and I take a big exhale once we hit the Kentucky line. Where we live in Virginia the woods are considered "country" and that just doesn't equate with me. I know there are open spaces way out away from the cities, but obviously that doesn't work with my honey and his already lengthy commute. So I remain a bit frustrated...a bit in longing.
Speaking of frustration I've talked about feeling overwhelmed for awhile now. My mind is divided most the time. When I'm doing anything other than something on one of my many to-do lists I feel this heaviness...a weight. It's almost physical. My head feels heavy. There are just too many things I want to accomplish and only so many hours in the day. The list runs in my brain constantly. I lay in bed at night and try to put it out of my mind. Do you do this too?? So I make lists and more lists and at the end of the day I always have this feeling that I don't get anything done.
Most of the lists involve my Etsy shop. It's my baby. I've seen it grow so much in the last year. God has really blessed my efforts and honestly it gives me goosebumps to see what He's doing, BUT it's finally reached the point that I have to make some changes. I thought limiting the days my shop was open to ten a month would free up some of my time to work on my art and other interests. Instead those limited hours have created a little frenzy:) Which is a great thing. I just can't do it all by myself anymore.
Have you ever seen the movie Limitless with Bradley Cooper? He's kind of a loser in the movie and somehow he gets his hands on a new drug that opens his mind to limitless capabilities. All of a sudden he's using 100% of his brain power. He can write a book in a day. Learn to do anything. He's a genius. He cleans up his appearance, gets a good job, becomes very successful, buys a fancy apartment. Nothing can stop him. Until the drug starts messing with him and then it all goes whack. But when it was good he was on the top of his game. I daydream about just one day of having that ability....of feeling limitless...accomplished...on top of things. One can dream right?
So I'm standing on the edge of a new thing. A decision to either give it up-quit letting it run me- and do something else:( or give it over and somehow manage to do even more;) I like option B!!
The other morning I woke up and I finally had clear direction that this weight I'm carrying isn't mine and I need to ask for help. The words let it go...so it can grow kept repeating in my mind. So with that said...I'm giving up some of the load and hiring people to help me. Hip hip hooray!!! Seriously I get a little panicky even thinking/writing about this. If you would have asked me 6 months ago if I would ever feel comfortable with that I would have said no way. But just like with most major decisions it takes His timing and His promptings to change my mind.
I don't need a drug fix or limitless brain power to achieve my goals... honestly I just need His blessing...His favor...His constant direction. I need help. I want my life to be peaceful, purposeful and FULL with things He has put my hands to. Onto limitless new horizons...
This scripture sums it up for me.
Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. Psalms 127:1
Build this house Lord...take it from me
Give me your peace
Help me make right decisions
Give me balance
Cross off all my to-do's
Lead me in every area
I lay it all at your feet
...to be truly limitless
Be a blessing.