I'm feeling very introspective this morning. Not sure if it's the week of rain or lack of sunny days that have brought it on, or maybe it's the many days in a row without my man that has made me pause and take a look inside but nonetheless...I'm going in.
If you know me in real life you know I don't talk about God all the time. I'm not super serious or uber religious. I don't carry my Bible with me everywhere I go...not that that's a bad thing. I'm just normal. Just like you.
I feel lately like I've got a blog identity crisis going on. Actually I've felt like this for some time. When I sit down to blog it's not about fluff anymore. It's not even about me necessarily. It's about faith and struggles and overcoming and I sit back sometimes and I read my words and I know they're not mine and I'll be honest it's a little weird.
It's very obvious to me this blog is His. I gave it up a while ago. I used to hold on tight. I used to write down my stats and worry about comments. I used to want to be liked and cared a LOT about what people thought of me. And it just dawned on me the other day I don't do that here anymore. I don't know how or when that shift happened, but it did. It just kind of evaporated. I've fought it a bit...actually talked about it with my blogging friends. Wondering why I couldn't write a fun and playful post. I used to. It use to come easy, but this is where I am right now.
With that said I've felt a feeling of oppression for a few months. It comes along with life's trials. Sometimes we take on others trials as our own too. It's what we do. There was the stresses of business...lost supplies, Honey's job trials, family members struggling with sickness...aging, normal mom worries, friends with major issues...the election, the shootings and then gloomy January hit and there is the fast etc... Just life.
And you know whenever you consecrate yourself, when you ask God to do a big thing in your life...that it's going to bring on the enemy. He is roaming the earth looking to devour us. You know this right? He is here to steal, kill and destroy us. And I see him doing that. It's everywhere you look. It even sneaks into our homes. I just happened to be in my Big Chick's room last night when she was showing me something on her iPad and the most vile repulsive images popped up onto her screen and I was in complete shock for a second. Like how can this be happening!?!? Thank God I was right there. Thank God He worked it out that we could get it deleted off and have a discussion. He had me there...to protect.
So as I sit here deep thinking, cause that's what I do, I'm reminded that we fight not against flesh and blood, but against principalities. We are in a war friends. The world is never going to feel right. We are never going to get what we need from it. It will leave you empty with a giant hole and the ONLY thing that can fill that hole is Jesus! The only thing that can protect our hearts and our lives and our future is a relationship with Him.
I'm not going to fight giving this blog over to Him. I'm not going worry about losing "followers". I would hate to think anyone is following me anyway. It's Him... Him I want to lead them to. I'm praying that will always be the mission here...in this space...His space!
Be a blessing.
956. honey's home
957. He directs my steps
958. we have authority over the enemy...praise GOD!
959. slumber party with my girls
960. a day to go nowhere