It seems like I'm always in the process of working through something. I think it's the Lord constantly teaching me. Lately there have been several instances that have made me feel like I've said the wrong thing...that I've lost my favor with people...that I didn't do this or that just right. Do you ever play a scenario over and over in your mind again? They are just little things here and there, but the culmination of them make me wonder what's going on.
Have I just gotten extremely insecure all of a sudden. Am I in hypersensitive mode right now? Is it because I really don't have a deep friendship with people here yet and they don't know the real me? Isn't that the best when you can be yourself with people and because they know you well...there isn't anything read into what you say?? They know you. They believe the best in you. Ahhh only what time can bring. I hate being so impatient. I really do.
When I'm feeling stressed I take a bath. There is something about submersing myself in hot water that just squeezes all my anxiety right out. So I'm laying there studying my toes thinking about my life and I really felt the Lord tell me...I want you to REST. What? Lord I can't rest. I've got this on my heart. I've got dreams. Big ones! Dreams I have no idea how to make happen, but I've got to be doing something. I've got to be working toward something.
I looked up rest and the dictionary said this:
Cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength.
Remain or be left in a specified condition: "rest assured".
Uh Lord I don't want to cease work. I've got things to do. I think you've got this wrong. But it's slowly been coming to me that that's not the rest he's talking about. He doesn't want me to just lay in bed all day and not do anything. He wants me to let go and let him make it happen. He wants me to dump it all in his big lap and just let it sit. He wants me to trust him by giving it up...not me out there spinning my wheels like a gerbil on a running wheel.
He wants to be my best friend. He wants me to turn to Him first and tell him every little thing going on in my life...even though he knows the number of hairs on my head. It's a love offering running to him...believing his truth.
So that's my word for the year. I'm going with REST. I'm believing for big change in me, because when his hand is on something it grows. When his WORD is spoken things are created out of nothingness. How incredibly awesome is that?
When I went home over Christmas my mom and I got a day all to ourselves. We hit every thrift store in town. We had so much fun. It really was one of my favorite days ever with my momma. On the way home we had the most beautiful fire lit sunset. It was breathtaking. Everything became red with a glow...including my momma. Isn't she beautiful?
Many of you have written me feeling lonely too...hurting, displaced and misunderstood. What if we turn to Him together and rest assured that he knows...that he's got our lives in the palm of his hands. Let's turn it over and just rest in him.
Have a blessed day.
360. sunsets night after night
361. a day alone with my momma
362. blessed assurance
363. not having to carry it alone