Thursday, September 22, 2011

the ugly cry

For me I knew that moving to Virginia would require me to go through a "say yes" to everything period.  I've met countless strangers.  Gone on several "blind dates".  Found myself in a few interesting situations.  Everyday is a brand spankin' new adventure.  This week was no different.

Found here

A few weeks ago I signed up for a "transitions" type class.  They meet in a church, and it's all kinds of women in all walks of life, each struggling a bit to find their way after a move.  I knew it was going to be emotional.  I felt myself choking up a bit at just the thought of doing this class.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I walked into an unfamiliar church and took my seat next to a complete stranger and poured out my heart regarding my move to MN?  And yet here I am again.  It was surreal.

We went around the room introducing ourselves and answering a few questions.  Of course when it was my turn I had an absolute melt down.  Seriously I've been doing pretty good.  I have my good days and some bad here and there.  But there is something about having to openly talk about my feelings that made me just lose it in front of a room full of strangers.  It happens at the Dr's office too...explain that one.  It didn't happen just once.  We're talking every time I had to talk I sobbed...and it was the ugly cry.  The one where you are blubbering a bit and snot is starting to run down your face.  OH MY GOODNESS!  This is so not how I wanted these women to see me the first time we met.  Pull it together girlfriend!! 

(Just in case you want this book.)

Anyway they were beyond supportive and kind.  They completely related with me and made me feel understood and accepted.  As much as I was more or less dreading going I'm so glad I did it anyway.  I have a really good feeling about this next new thing.  This experience will bond me with these women and that's exactly what I need right now.  We are in this hard place together and you know what?  We need each other.  It's gonna be good...snot and all;)

Have a blessed day.


112.  klennex when you need it.
113.  sharing my house with neighbors.
114.  big chick feeling better.
115.  clean sheets.
116.  mushrooms tucked in the woods.
117.  my favorite t.v. shows starting again.
118.  candles flickering in the afternoon gloom.
119.  new notecards from Amber Alexander...little chick in the storm.

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  1. So glad you found this group that you can relate to in this hard time. Sounds like a cathartic experience. Hoping each day gets better.

  2. Bless your pea pickin heart! I'm so proud of you for going and taking that step. Doesn't it just drive you nuts that you can't listen to your hed when it's telling you to get over it and just move on? Emotions...those nasty little things. Praying for you to feel at home and that the Lord's perfect peace washes over you soon.

  3. Becky I am truly sorry that you are feeling so displaced these days (but this post made me laugh!) How great to find a program like this "transitions" to vent your feelings with other people in the same boat.
    PS I highly doubt you possess an ugly cry!!

  4. how well i know that ugly cry

    and it does burst out
    just when you really
    don't want it to

    i don't know why
    it is so instinctive
    to want to mute our emotions

    after all
    we are what we are
    and there is
    no shame in tears

    and even



  5. Good for you for doing everything you can to adjust, meet people, etc.!

  6. i love emotions.
    i'm so glad God gave them to us..

    tears (the ugly ones) are so healing and comforting....

    they usually happen when we least expect it and they make us feel vulnerable and weak, but they remind us that we are totally out of control....they remind us that we are completely dependent.

    they lead our hurting hearts back to God.
    they re-focus our minds on the truth......we were made for relationship...deep, intimate, connected relationship.

    praying God brings you a dear, sweet, true, real friend or two.

    your teary days are a good thing.
    love that you share them with us...when you are weak, HE is strong.
    His power is made perfect in your weakness.

    never met you, but totally adore you. for real.

  7. I wish I could take all of your sadness away. Soon those kleenex won't be needed. Well, for the move any way : ) They will be needed for the girls because they are growing, and for life in general. I cry all the time and I am so happy. It's crazy.

    Love you friend o rama,

  8. Oh, Becky. I am all too familiar with the ugly cry in public in front of many strangers and non-strangers. One day I might share the story on my blog --Maybe-- but I had a break down at the dentist office with wyatt when i found out he had cavities and could not stop bawling...even after the dentist took me to the side and told me to stop crying because i was going to traumatize him, i could not.stop.crying. i bawled all through paying, in the lobby and the whole way home. later the dentist called to see if i was okay and suggested maybe daddy bring him from now on ; D so he does. now you feel better, don't you? : )
    i bet you will be so glad you went and you will make some great friends within this group, you guys are all in the same boat. hang in there, friend!

  9. So glad that there is something like that for you. I still think your feelings are normal. Your kids are the perfect age for helping you in this move. It's okay to cry. You miss your home and your friends. I hope it gets better. ((((((HUGS)))))

  10. The gritty sandpaper of life is what shapes us and molds us into who God wants us to be. You are being molded, rough edges smoothed, into a vessel of honor.

    It's such a difficult and challenging process but richly rewarding, too. I'm glad you were led to the transitions group you've joined. I'm sure it will be a true blessing to you.

    Blessings to you! God is, indeed, walking with you on this journey you're on.

  11. oh girl, i hope these girls become a tight bond for you...going through something with someone else can create an awesome bond. and don't worry about snot...snot can be very vulnerable and inviting...well, you know what i mean :)

  12. i remember sitting in front of my counselor crying the ugly way... it's so liberating after it's out. i think relating with people is so important and what a cool thing to meet with a group in the exact same place in life as you. hoping you'll be blessed beyond measure with these girls!

  13. I WISH I could step out and "ugly cry". I can't seem to do it in front of my friends, much less a room full of strangers. You are blessed! :o)

  14. Sometimes the Ugly Cry is a good thing.

    Now, let me tell you...I NEVER see foxes in stores. The day after I read your post, I went shopping and they had these cute foxes?? ;)

  15. I'm so glad you found that class! And I'm so glad you're just the real you and can do the ugly cry! People will love ya for being real.

    I LOVE candles flickering in the afternoon. I HATE the longer dark hours so pretty candlelight helps! And I LOVE that Hawaii 5-o started again. And broke girls! Did you watch it??? I laughed a lot!

    And how do you make your type small like that? I wanted to do it the other day but couldn't figure it out. THX my sweet ugly crying friend!

  16. Becky! I should have called you yesterday because I was home blubbering and feeling sad, depressed, and lonely. I kept myself from reaching out to you because I didn't want to 'bring you down' with me. It's been over a year for us but my emotions were right up at the surface as if we moved yesterday. I'm glad you found that group and I hope it helps you.
    Cheryl (one of your blind dates!)

  17. don't know if you remember me...i'm amy's friend. the one you made soap with. remember the blender disaster? :) love reading about your move....the good and the bad. thanks for your honesty

  18. Hi Becky!
    I can completely relate to this! My hubby, as you may know, lost his job over 4 months ago and the stress level has been way up there. He has 3 more interviews this week, 2 of which could cause us to move to other states. I worry about it for so many reasons. The thought of moving farther away from our oldest daughter who's in college is almost more than my heart can take. Then, I worry about taking our youngest daughter out of high school and away from all her friends. Just so much to think about and if I allow it, it really gets the best of me, so I do what can to remain strong and positive.

    So, if an "ugly cry" is what it takes, I say...GO FOR IT! It, to me, is a step in the right direction!

  19. Good for you for doing that! That takes a huge step of faith that God has something good for you there!

    And PS- I always cry at the Dr. office too, even when it is just like a quick shot or check up... something about being in there makes me want to tell him my life story and cry my eyes out!

    And oh I can't wait for candles to be burning 24-7 in our house- I hope Fall comes quickly! It is supposed to be 97 degrees here today- UGH!

  20. Aaaahhhh, I want to give you a hug right now! Did you sleep like a baby last night? The ugly cry does that for me.

    You are SO brave, and So lovely for sharing your heart, I just adore you. It will all be good, and turn out - you are loved for so many, remember that!

    {{{ BIG HUGS }}}

  21. This class, the timing, isn't a koinky dink. God's plan is awesome isn't it!
    Oh, our Ugly Cry! It creeps up on us doesn't it!! No one judges!!
    You will look back and laugh with the friend that you just met!
    Praying for you!

  22. So glad you found this group. And, I know exactly what you mean about those "ugly cries." But in a strange way, they feel good, don't they? Letting your guard down finally and letting others, even if for a moment, hold your burden for you? Wish it was easier to just give our burdens to God every day -- would save me a lot of aches and pains -- and, just think, he's WAITING for us to let him do it. Peace and love to you, friend.

  23. What better way to start your new transition than with others who are in the same situation as you! Praying that you will find a tight bond with this group to help with the highs and lows of the move!

  24. Becky, How all of this brings back my feelings...when I moved here, four years ago. You will get there, sister!
    I cry at the doctor's office, too. My doctor is a woman and only a few years older than me, but it is (for me) something like being with your mom...someone who is kind and caring and it is easy to cry and talk about what is REALLY going on in your life! }}hugs{{ xo, Cheryl

  25. "Bless Your Pea Pickin' Heart", now that phrase from Holly is a keeper. Oh, how I hate the ugly cry, but it is so healing (and sometimes needed).

  26. Oh honey! I am sorry to hear about your 'ugly cry' but GOOD FOR YOU for going, and being vulnerable! You are braver than I. I have shared your feelings but have buried them, I think it is much healthier to acknowledge them and seek out avenues to address them. Sound like you are right where you need to be.

  27. Wow, you were lucky to find such a great group. Just what you needed. I'm glad you can cry the ugly cry because that makes you real and real people will always have friends. Take care sweetie.

  28. I think the ugly cry is so much better than the emotional mask. You could've sat in that groups for months with a mask on and it would not have helped you a bit.

  29. Ohhh Becky girl I am so glad that you went!!
    You took a wonderful step in faith and
    I know without a doubt you will be blessed
    beyond measure!


  30. Sometimes we all need a good cry:) So glad that you had some new friends to be there for you!

  31. Oh sweetie... I KNOW you are going to just dig in here soon and there will be that feeling of HOME once again... that book is awesome... I bought it for someone I love about a year ago, and I think it had a ton of good things in it. Love you friend.

  32. you are so brave. you make me proud. ((hugs))

  33. Becky, how do you do it? You make it so we all feel what you are feeling. In fact, I can almost picture the room at the church and the ladies in there with you. You did such a wonderful thing for them; you made them feel needed. That's really all any of us wants is to be be needed and then be able to fill that need. How do you do that? And with such ease! *wink *wink I get around 100 e-mails in my box each day: some wanted, some just b/c my name was on a list. No matter what, I check to see if there's something from you to me and my fingers break a sweat to see your fox and house pop up on my screen. Thank you for fulfilling my need to have a friend.

  34. Let it out my friend. I'm so glad God led you to a place where you can get the support of other Godly women who can directly relate to what you're going through. Just let all the pent up "stuff" flow out and his peace enter.

    I could have used a group like this when I moved to NV.

  35. sorry about the meltdown. :( sounds like you are doing everything you can do to be proactive. let God do everything else friend. being broken in front of others creates an atmosphere of support and acceptance. (usually) p.s. love those animal paintings. i may have a new collection... :)

  36. That's what good friends are for, sweet Becky. God placed you (and your snot) in that room with those wonderful ladies knowing that you'd be blessed and encouraged. Big hugs to you, my friend!

    xoxo laurie

  37. I do the same
    thing when I
    share personal
    things out loud!
    You showed GREAT
    courage to show
    that vulnerability.
    I hope you found
    a kindred spirit
    xx Suzanne

  38. I tell you what Becky! You are such an inspiration with "I'm going to do it anyway" attitude when fear is pulling at you. I wouldn't be surprised if one day there is a book that comes from your blog posts. You sharing your journey, with the good, the trials, the happy, the sad, the Lord, the process like going to a counselor without paying for it. Y♥U are really an amazing woman of strength, even when it comes out in showing it through blubbering tears and snot! The courage it took to go to that Transitions class, proves what an amazing woman you are. I'm cheering for you Becky and I'm still praying for you as you go through this time of grieving and changes. I'm so glad you found these women.

    Warm Hugs,
    ♥Lee Ann
    (I had no idea there was such a thing as a Transitions class- I'm remembering that in case I need it)

  39. Ahh Becky ~ you poor thing. What a great group though to find ~ I betcha some of these people were wishing that they could just let it all out too. I am sending you a big hug. xo

  40. I ever been overcome by the ugly cry in front of others too. So glad you were loved and accepted. I was so pleased to read your comment on my blog. I have followed your blog forever, and have laughed, cried, and prayed for you. Thanks so much for stopping by!

  41. I love your paintings! What a beautiful gift you have!

  42. i did that too. i started a new bible study in the middle of a tough time with our oldest baby. she was 17 at the time, but my mama heart still feels like shes my baby. anyhoo, i was just thinking these women must thing i am CRAZY. what can u do though but be yourself, rawness and all. its embarrassing because its the part we choose to hide from people and in certain situation it just comes out (for me like vomit) i just keep talking and talking and afterwards i think to myself...WHY DID I SAY THAT? happens beck.

  43. I'm so glad you found that! I cry quite often at home, small cries, more like tearing up. I hardly ever cry in public. I'm not sure why that is.

    But I totally know what you mean when you say the ugly cry :)


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