Saturday, April 23, 2011

the inbetween

When I start a new project for someone I go through a gamut of emotions.  This sounds really weird, but initially it starts with panic.  Panic that someone is going to pay me to paint something special.  And it's always special.  It's usually a gift.  So that adds to the pressure.  And it's always a surprise...geesh!  I can't help myself, but I always feel scared.  Always! 

I get my blank canvas out and start with the background.  It never looks good in the beginning.  But I push on...hoping, praying that the globs of paint will somehow amount to something beautiful in the end.  I always pray over my paintings and listen to worship music.  It really helps to calm my anxious heart and focus on the task at hand.

Somewhere during the process the details start to take shape and then it finally becomes something.  Oddly enough it's not until the end that any of it makes sense.  And that's what drives me crazy.  I want to see the end before I begin.  I want the reassurance that it's going to be great.  I don't want to just have faith.  Faith is scary.  You're stepping out into the unknown.  It feels risky to just trust the process.

I can tell you with everything in me that I have never been disappointed.  God has always met me in the in between.  He always shows up to guide my take my make whatever it is beautiful. 

So when will the doubt stop?  When will I learn to let go and not panic?  I wish I could say that every experience brings me closer to that glorious realization, but it doesn't.  Every time the process starts all over and I go through the emotions again.  I'm so glad He's patient with me:)

My latest project was special indeed.  This painting was for a missionary family.  God placed a burden on their hearts for prostitutes in the area they live and they're opening their home to help them heal and become whole.  What an honor to have my work be apart of something so amazing!

Have a blessed day.

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  1. Oh my goodness... I adore the painting! And I really love everything you just said. I almost always feel the same things when I'm painting for someone else... and today I have been especially overwhelmed with some of the same insecurities. This post definitely spoke to my heart when I needed it. What a beautiful reminder of my stewardship of God's gift, and the fact that HE is always there to guide my hand! Thank you! :) I hope you have a blessed Easter!

  2. Becky, God has given you a precious gift.

  3. Another beautiful piece Becky!
    I'll be in touch once we find out the gender.
    I really want you to paint something for our nursery ;)


  4. the painting is perfect. simply beautiful. and what an amazing place it's going to. beautiful post as well. rejoicing with you over our risen Savior!

  5. Love this post Becky. Love how the Lord works through your insecurities and brings about such beauty. In our weakness He is made strong. Your painting is so perfect for this awesome ministry.

  6. Maybe it's okay to be in that place you're talking about. Because, then when something beautiful happens you know, without a doubt, who made it happen.

  7. While I'm not a painter, I know exactly what you mean. Loved this post, LOVE that painting, and I love where it's going to. That is really exciting.

  8. It's beautiful. I think Krista will love it!

  9. This sounds, Becky, like the exact process I go through when I prepare a talk. There is always those moments of fear . . . and then the work and prayer pays off . . . and a finished product becomes a blessing.

    How lovely to know your work will be on the walls of a home in Germany, where these precious girls will begin to hear of God's love and begin to heal. That is what home is all about, and you have painted it well.

    Blessings on your Easter today.


  10. Becky,
    I am often the same with my art work. And continue to pick it up and "tweak" long after it is finished.
    And...I am faithless with planting. I plant too close, not giving the plant enough room to double in size or grow!
    Congrats on a lovely painting. xo, Cheryl

  11. Thanks for sharing, I needed to be reminded to have a little more faith today.

  12. Christ is risen indeed. I don't know anything about painting, but it looks beautiful. I remember the guy that used to paint landscapes on PBS. He would finish a painting in half an hour. I was AMAZED. btw, I think you may be gaining confidence in God's grace and in your painting skills but can't quite see it yet. May the peace of Christ be with you.

  13. Oh Becks... this was my favorite post of all time. I'm sitting here, listening to your your amazing music, reading your words, and I have tears running down my face. I want to see the finished product so badly. I needed this post so much today! Are you back? I miss you so! We must catch up this week...

    Love you girl.

  14. Maybe you need to go through that "process" every time...because it leads you to creating wonderful art?! This latest piece is evidence of your gift; it is an amazing, beautiful piece:) Happy Easter to you & your family!

  15. beautiful work for beautiful, life-restoring work.

    happy easter, friend.

  16. What words of encouragement. His grace is priceless. We are His that He is shaping daily. Happy Resurrection Day.

  17. this is my favorite painting of yours to date. absolutely love it. and i know that same panic, believe me. we are so alike, you + me!

  18. As a custom designer who relies on inspiration from God (and He has never failed to inspire!) I share your sentiment about not doubting. Every Christmas card season, I wonder why anyone would choose me to design their card and wonder how I will create new and meaningful things all over again. But God NEVER fails. This year, I just want to BELIEVE!


  19. I enjoyed visiting your site, you have a very fun style! I like folk art and it reminds me of that. You describe the creative process well. i need to remember to ask for God's inspiration more instead of just diving into my work. Blessings!

  20. Beckie, what a beautiful post....the in that. That's certainly where He is as well as the beginning and the end. Thanks for the reminder. I'm like you, you'd think we'd get better as we get older, but no I still need to be reminded. Take care!

  21. This was so beautiful..and your painting turned out so lovely Becky.
    What an honour is right to be part of the beautiful thing God is doing in that community.

    Deborah xoxo

  22. i absolutely love this post. i can relate with about everything you said. in fact, i kept wanting to copy and paste phrases to make them stick in my head more. but more than anything, knowing that God is in our process of creating, and that He is faithful to bring the beauty out of us, is where I, too, place my trust. thanks for sharing your beauty with us.

  23. A Beautiful piece:O)I Love your faith:O)

  24. I just wanted to let you know that i have been wearing my "dreamer" bracelet that Jill gave me. I love's so great.

  25. Oh my goodness! Yes, what a special gift to give a missionary. I love it when God uses the creativity he's given me to make a gift for someone. This is beautiful!

  26. Your panic always
    leads you down the
    creative path, in the
    end.....And that end
    produces such beauty!
    So wonderful that
    you are helping other
    women a world away!!!
    xx Suzanne


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