Monday, October 4, 2010

Pedestal




Not sure why, but whenever I'm with my parents I reflect.  I remember my childhood.  I go to the corners of my memory when I was ten or so and my mom comforted me when I was upset over having no friends, or when I was a teenager heartbroken over my first love.  I remember all the family meals...my dad's head bowed saying grace. I also remember the day when my parents became flesh and bone and fell off the pedestal I had them placed on.  It didn't happen until I was older.  Up until then they were perfect and could do no wrong. It's a weird day when you realize that they are human just like you.  That they make mistakes and mess up too. 






When I'm with them I realize my own likeness to them.  I see where I get my compassion and sweet side.  I see where my strong faith and values comes from, where the stubbornness and strength wells up and I can't help but wonder what my girls will derive from me...what will carry on.  When will I become flesh and bone to them?  When will they see me in all my weakness and know that I'm fallible?






This balancing act between being a child and a parent is a fine line.  I can easily move back and forth over it.  I still feel like a little girl at times, in dire need of love, big bear hugs and someone else to take responsibility for all my needs.   That's when the realization comes that I can crawl up into my heavenly father's lap...snuggle in and know that only He can take care of me...understand me...forgive my faults.  Only HE can rescue me...there is no pedestal to fall from. 







Have a blessed day.

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