Friday, January 15, 2010

Forgiveness 101

A few weeks ago I told you about my mother-in-law, and how she is getting married to a man that we don't know and it's really fast etc... There are more involved details, which I won't share, but it's been hard for us for many reasons. I have been fighting feelings of anger and hurt. When I think of her, or dream of her and him, which I have been's always negative. I relive the whole thing in my mind and rehash certain conversations and I feel bitter inside. To be honest I'm carrying around some junk.

Well for the past few days when she pops in my head, I've immediately shut down my initial feelings and went straight to praying for her. Lord be with Minnie and Jim. Bless their relationship. Provide protection of her heart and finances. I pray their relationship will be a gift to them both. Help Honey, Julie and all of us to accept the changes to come and Change our hearts to make room for him. It absolutely amazes me that as soon as I pray for them I don't feel angry or upset anymore. I've completely let go and placed it at His feet. Which is where it all belongs in the first place.

I think on the Love Dare challenge and how it applies to my relationship with my Honey, I think it also works well with other people in our lives. Is there a friend who gets under your skin; a family member that drives you crazy; a boss that makes your life miserable; a child that challenges you everyday?? If so, give it to the one that can help you forgive. Lay it down and pray for them instead. Ask for forgiveness and grace, and you will feel the burden lift. Let Him restore what is broken inside your heart.

Have a blessed day.

Image found on etsy and Dare cards
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  1. I remember reading the blog about your mother-in-law... and seeing the picture of the two of them together. I only had one thought ... SHE LOOKS SO HAPPY! You just have to hope and pray that at her age she is wise in her choices. Maybe this doesn't seem like the right choice now but everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is so she lives the rest of her life sharing love with a man who could be her soul mate. She just looks so happy! ( I met my husband 18 years ago and KNEW the minute I met him he was the man I was going to marry. It has been the greatest journey!) Thank you for the wonderful inspiration and sharing your life in your blogs. I really enjoy reading!!!!

  2. Aw this post was something I really needed to read! We are having a similar situation in my family and I related to those negative feelings you described feeling towards your mother-in-law. I'm definitely going to try your approach and pray. I really love these love dare challenges! Thanks for sharing them!!

  3. I'm lifting you all up in prayer!!! (You too, Jacque)

    God knows.

    : )

    Julie M.

  4. I am glad that your prayers are helping you Becky, I know that this is a challenging situation for you all.

    Can I just say that I just read your post below about your made me cry! It was the hand photos that did it, there was something incredibly moving about them. What an amazing woman she is, what a life, she clearly has enormous strength. What a really special post.

    Hugs to you sweetie, happy Friday! xo

  5. Becky,
    I have felt where you are now and I understand how confusing it can all be. (And before anyone jumps to weird family conclusions we are a middle class normal family in all intents and purposes) but 11 years ago my mother married her first cousin. She is adopted so legally its all ok, but boy did it throw a spanner in the works!
    The family is now destroyed and there have been a lot of confused and upset people. But years on they are still happy and content, time has healed.
    Just stay strong, support each other, pray and He will ensure things work out.

  6. I am blog hopping this morning, before work. I didn't have much time, so I will be back. I am so sorry to here about what is going on, but you are on the right path. Prayer is always the answer, we just don't always get the answer we want. Sometimes we just have to wait and keep on praying, this is very hard at time :) I am not always the pillar of faith I should be either. The good thing is we are all on this journey together and we are to keep each other lifted up and pray.
    I will definitely keep you lifted up in prayer.

    May you have a blessed day and find peace in His arms.

  7. Isn't it just such a miracle how prayer works?! I learned long ago to just turn it over to Jesus Christ...let him take it and I have always felt immediate relief! Bless you for your wisdom and forgiving heart. Yes, just go forward and live YOUR life and be happy in your little family! Come say hi :D

  8. Really good post! Thanks....things I need to think about.
    Have a great weekend Becky!!


  9. Becky I just love how you are real and how it hurts but your still willing to make sense of it and turn it into a great lesson...for everyone...honestly my grandpa lost my grandma and has done some things that just break my heart, there was a pretty huge uproar, its hard to be there in the midst of it, I remember thinking "why wont he stop" I am praying for your family, I am so glad you are finding peace.

  10. beautiful post my sweet sweet friend! I'm carrying around some junk too. (only it's in my rear end!) Great idea about the love challenge! Lova lova lova you!

  11. You are very wise for such a young woman. It makes me think of the scripture verse in Proverbs 31:8 "For her children will rise up and call her blessed, and her husband will praise her!"
    Great thoughts and you are speaking to me!

  12. What an incredibly wonderful, beautiful post! Spoken from the heart, full of love and forgiveness, what could be more beautiful than that?!? Thank you! Becky G from GA

  13. Great post -- you are wise beyond your years -- thanks for the reminders! Hope you and your sweet family have a fun weekend!


  14. Praying for you all. I had a friend do the love dare with her immediate family, and it was neat to see how it affected them all. :)

    It'll all be okay.

  15. Becky,

    This is so true!!!

    Also a great study for this is Beth Moore, When Godly People Do Un-Godly Things!! It's a great study and wonderfully cleansing for the Spirit.


  16. The power of it. Maybe a Fireproof kit would be a good gift for your mother in law and her fiance. The movie and the book...

  17. YES! I totally *got* it today. :) Thank you for including the part about relating the Love Dare to someone else besides your spouse!!! :)

    On a lighter, note, I love the photos you have on the sidebar of your house! Neat!!

  18. This is such an excellent post. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal situation in your life in order to help others. This will be a lesson and example for all of us who are reading this.

    Have a beautiful day.


  19. I was feeling bitterness one day about my Dad's girlfriend (now wife) who came into his life immediately after my mom died. Out of the blue, this thought nested in my soul during Bible study one night: "what if I brought Sue into your Dad's life so that she could know ME...through YOU?" Whenever I let bitterness creep into my heart it's because I've been staring into the mirror too much, and not looking at the face of Christ. That night God reminded me that it's all about HIM...glorious, grace-filled, forgiving, wonderful Him.

  20. This is such a hard lesson ~ it's not in our nature to let go and trust. I'm always amazed at the peace that I feel when I stop myself and turn it over to the Heavenly Father.

    Best wishes for your family ~

  21. Family relationships can be so challenging! We are struggling as family STILL (10-years later after my in-laws divorced)to get thru holidays, births, family celebrations, etc.

    My mother-in-law desperately needs her 3 children to take sides and my sweet, MATURE, husband refuses to take part. I have decided to just stay out of it. I do my part by continuing to foster a relationship between her grandchildren and her, but I refuse to get sucked into the disparaging remarks she throws out about her ex, my father-in-law, my children's GRANDFATHER!!!

    (They were married for 30+ years and he had an affair...she is still hurt to this day and while I don't dney her hurt, I really think she needs counseling and to turn it over to God. She is trapped at a certain stage in the grieving process.)

    I have talked about this until I'm blue in the face to my mother/girlfriends/husband, etc. and I need to take your advice and just PRAY for her. I'm not helping the situation by talking about her to others and I'm not helping the situation when I suggest ideas to help her cope so no more...just PRAYER!!!


  22. Great words of advice Becky, I could use those words with a certain someone within my family. Unfortunately, I feel as though my prayers would be that I will come to peace with my choices, as i honestly don't think this person will ever change...she is who she is! I hope everything goes ok with your mother in law...Have a wonderful weekend Becky!

  23. Pray,pray,pray!! GOD knows.

    Becky you are an incredible woman!

  24. Thanks so much for this Becky! I needed to read this today and I will also use it to put some of my issues at rest. Hugs from Texas!

  25. I so know this feeling - i feel it with my inlaws, and I will put your method into practice. (i have such vivid dreams - typically negative, too!) and when I do, I will immediately stop myself and pray for my inlaws. Thank you for this today, I surely needed a dose of Becky wisdom!

    Have a sweet Friday!


  26. THANK YOU for that post! I have someone in the "fam" that just drives me absolutely crazy. Can't explain it, just makes me insane.
    Guess I'll be laying that one down at His feet along with some other stuff too......the trick will be not picking them back up!

  27. I just wanted to echo something that someone has already said here. I met my husband when I was 18. He was a college friend of one of my best friends and the day I met him I barely said a few words to him but felt an instant connection. I told my friend that I had a funny feeling that I would either end up dating him for a long time or marrying him and we laughed at this. We were living together within 10 months of our first date (age 20) and at 43 we are probably one of the happiest and settled couples we know. It took us almost 9 years to get married but if we had married straight away we would still be together. Who knows how people connect but your mother in law is a grown woman who knows what she is doing and found someone she connects with, a second time. How lucky - some people never get this at all. I wish them and you the best of luck in her second chance x
    By the way I love your blog and have given you a Kreativ Blogger award!

  28. Thank you for this post! It is EXACTLY what I needed today!

  29. I love those Love Dare cards Becky. It is so hard to turn feeling around some days and I love what you are doing ~ after all that is one of the reason's why He is there. xo

  30. Why does it have to be so hard? You have a good heart and know what you need to do. I have never heard of the love dare, I'll have to check it out.

  31. Wow! I really needed this post. My father in law married a woman that....well, is not the best fit for the situation. She has caused me grief from the day they married. I had a very vivid dream about them last night, she was leaving him. To be honest, I was relieved, but know that God hates divorce. So, I will put into application what you have suggested. God has recently brought this to my attention and I have confessed it and repented. It's only been one day though! LOL! Thanks for sharing this. I got Wii EA sports active. It kicks butt too. You can customize your own workouts to make sure your time is well spent!

  32. I was catching up on your posts.

    In every one you show your heart.

    And your love for your honey. Your girls. Your family. Friends. Blogging buds.

    And Him.

    Hope 2010 holds a lot of happiness for you.

    Sweet dreams.

  33. Becky, I was so happy to read this post and see that you have found a way to mend your heart regarding your mother in law and the new man in her life. Keep praying.

  34. I understand what your going through but not with a Mom-in-Law. I went through it with my daughter. I was so against her wanting to marry the young man that she was dating for only 6 months. My daughter at the time was only 18 and had just graduated from High school. I had two choices. I either had to let go and let her go her way or lose her. I let her go but my heart was broken and I was angry. And for many years I had to pretend that I was "okay" with her choice. It's a very long story and not one that I should talk about. They did divorce 2 months ago and I had to watch my daughter fall apart many times. I have been there for her but she is a strong willed young woman who is too proud to take all of the help that I can give her. I have two beautiful granddaughters from her marriage to my ex son-in-law. I am grateful for that. One day, my daughter will be happy again....she is too kind and too much of a wonderful person not to be. As for me, I pray every single day and night for my daughter and granddaughters. It has been a rough road for all of them/us. So what I have learned is that no matter how much I might think that something is wrong with a decision that someone I love has made or will make there is nothing I can do but to sit back and watch and pray and hope that they will truly be happy with what or who they have chosen. I hope that I have made sense. I still get a tad sad talking or writing about my daughter. ;)

    Hugs to you .


  35. I'll be praying for you...I'm dealing with a sort of similar situation...and I will post about the Bible study too. :)

    Happy weekend my friend!

  36. great post!

    love your blog! :)
    - Audrey Allure <3

  37. You've got it girl, forgiveness is freedom!

  38. You know, regardless of how God answers your prayer for them, He is using your prayers to heal you. Isn't He wonderful!?!

    I read 1/2 THE Love Dare last year after seeing the movie Fireproof, unfortunately we had some family cicumstances come up and I haven't got back. Reading this makes me know I have to finish up. It was such a blessing and so full of challenges!!

  39. So true. The power of prayer!

  40. Hang in there Becky! Why is it that the people we care for most have the greatest ability to cause us to carry unwanted luggage? The best thing you can're already pray for her. Thanks for your're beautiful! luv, trina

  41. That's a wonderful response to your feelings toward your MIL situation.

    I have a close friend that also has struggles with her extended in-laws for several reasons - the extended family has extreme bitterness, but my friend just continues to pray for them and though the relationship will probably not be repaired due to the opposing parties attitudes and actions, my friends heart is protected and unburdened by continuing to lift them up in prayer. I'm thankful for her example if ever I find myself in a similar situation.

    You're an inspiration as well. Hope 'all's well that ends well' for your family...


Thanks for taking a minute to share your thoughts. I love hearing what YOU have to say:)


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