Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The "D" word

Hmmm to post or not to post...that is the question. Do you ever hover over the publish button and think do I want to reveal this?? I don't want to be a Debbie one wants to read depressing stuff, but it's what's on my I guess I should share. I've mentioned before that every winter I get depressed. I think it even started when I was a child. I had a "nervous stomach". I spent hours in the nurses station at school and was even admitted to the hospital for testing. They never found anything wrong with me and just attributed it to worry and nerves. But now as I think back I believe it was nerves, and depression.

Every year for as long as I can remember when the days grow short and the cold sets in I feel a blanket of despair wash over me. I just have this sadness in my spirit...there is no rhyme or reason to it. There is nothing for me to be sad just comes and it sits on me, heavy and unmoving. In the past I've taken medicine and it helped a little, but for some reason it is "my thing" I have to work through every year.

I started my blog almost a year ago and one of the main reasons I pursued it was to distract me from winter and preoccupy my time, and it helped a lot. I didn't struggle much last year at all. Thinking of posts and commenting on other blogs gave me purpose and I think that is a key factor for me...purpose. There is a little guilt for me in feeling depressed. I think as a Christian I feel I should just be able to pray about it and cast my care at His feet and all should be well. It's just not that easy. When I'm blue I pull away from everything and everyone. I don't have anything clever or funny to say. The pain leaks out through whining, complaining, and lethargy.

My mom told me to blog more, to push through it...and I will, if I have something to say. I'm going to look for joy in the small things. That is my search out joy, peace, happiness and to share it with you. I think when we seek out those things they are sure to find us:) So that's my story.

Do any of you get the winter blues?
How do you combat your depression?

Have a blessed day.

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  1. I totally get where you're coming from. I first began to suffer from winter depression, or SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER, about 17 years ago. I do believe it is somewhat hereditary because my dad also suffers, although not to the same degree I do.

    Like you, I pull away from everyone and everything. I just want to crawl into a little hole and be myself. My husband doesn't "get it", and I think that makes it harder for me.

    Also like you, I've taken medication (zoloft was very helpful), and I've also tried indoor tanning about once a week during the winter months. This has helped, but I've stopped doing it because of the other health implications.

    I've found that getting outside as much as possible helps. Even if it's not bright and sunny, being outside getting fresh air does seem to perk me up a bit.

    My post yesterday was about finding joy. I think, even on our worst days, if we look for joy we can find it. Problem is, there have been a lot of days when I've simply chosen NOT to look for it, and that's what I've got to stop. I think that making an effort to find joy in the everyday will be good for both of us, you and I, in getting through the months to come!

    Good luck! I'll be praying for you!

  2. real posts, those are the ones i love and am drawn to!! don't ever stop writing because you think it's a "downer". depression is real. so many deal with it and you can be an encouragement to them.

    it's a lie that Christians should just be able to deal with life and not be depressed. absolutely we need to seek God more and ask for His perspective. but what you're dealing with is not something that the "magic wand of Christianity" will just take away.

    praying for joy and even some happiness in each of your days. you are loved!!


  3. Absolutely do! I guess we just need to learn how to lean more on eachother. Praying for you.

  4. Know that you are not alone! It's hit me hard already this year for some reason.

    Having the correct level of Vitamin D in our body is supposed to help with the winter blues. There has been a lot of research on the West Coast about D deficiency (most people north of San Francisco are deficient, unless they work outside, then winter comes and no one can really absorb enough).

    So I take LOTS of Vitamin D (I'm critically low, and work inside, live in the Pacific NW, and don't get enough sun!) I SHOULD exercise everyday, but I don't. When I am, the combination of exercise and my vitamins makes a big difference.

    Hang in there... I'll be praying for a gentler "season" for you (and all of us!)


  5. Oh yeah - so you know. I find your words very inspirational and gorgeous! They just seem to flow right on to the page. And they speak to me, so please keep 'speaking.'

  6. I've never met anyone who is in joyous spirits all the time.......for it is within the hardships that we encounter our true selves......or we discover a deepness within...

    Solitude from all worldy things brings this to life for me.....that is how I battle 'the winter blues'......

    having the children inside (and me) more than usual during the cold winter months can either be 1)more quality time together with stories,plays,poems,crafts,games or I could choose 2)agitation,'plugging' them in to movie/tv
    I choose #1; but that doesn't mean mistakes aren't made, and happy people all the time, but it doesn't mean we stop praying together -

    and knowing the Lord endured much more than I did......I offer my pain to Him Becky......I "offer it up".......
    I hope that helped....
    you certainly aren't alone are you..........

  7. okay! Here's the deal! Jeanne and I should fly there this winter (totally serious!) We can make coffee and Hot chocolate and laugh and chat and the blues will be over! And we can do an art project together. And we can go shopping!!!!! (the best part) And we can eat Mexican food! I'm really really serious. you wanna?

  8. I feel ya, friend! There really is something about the Winter months closing in. But you know, I believe it makes us appreciate the newness of Spring all the more. We'll be here for you, all Winter long! The happy days and the sad, tired ones. And before you know it, we'll so tulips popping their necks out of the earth and we'll know that once again - we made it!!

  9. Oh, bless your heart goes out to you. One of my daughters has had the very same problem, even since her childhood and she is a worrier too. I don't know if it;s the genes or acctually a physical thing. I do know that reaching out to others is the key and withdrawal is not good. Prayer can help, he know you inside out and will help. The trials we go through teach us self mastery and empathy for others, refine us in the ways we need. Stay busy, work and enjoyment help, blogging is great..we do need each other, we really do. I think that is one of the reasons for all this new tec.~to connect us, all of God's connect and help each other. I think of Jesus and what he suffered on this earth, the unkindness at every turn, cruelty and abuse..if I expect to be with him and feel peace in his presence, I guess I can put up with some suffering too. I love you sis..sending xxx JUlie

  10. I can TOTALLY relate -- but oddly enough, on the OTHER end of the temperature spectrum. I go through the exact same thing in the warm weather. Weird, I know...

    And... to make it worse... I live in FLORIDA! Helloooo!!! :)

    You sweet thing -- a post like this is exactly what we as women thrive on -- we by nature like to nuture and help and support. So, you've come to the right place. And I agree with your mom! Blog more -- and enjoy the support that we all are so happy to give.

    I wonder if decorating your home in less-wintery themes and almost doing a "Spring-In-January" type way of decor. Light colors, Spring greens, fresh flowers, salads, etc.?

    Does your cold weather last many months? Our heat lasts almost all year round, and even today I VERY MUCH struggled with my attitude and my down-ness due to the fact that it is muggy and in the 80's... ick.

    I have found that I must keep my dislike for my surroundings in proper perspective in light of eternity and what matters right now -- the bigger things. Also, remembering that others are watching my attitude and how I handle seasons (no pun intended) in life -- even if I NEVER have the chance to move to a place more suited to me, I HAVE to allow God's light and joy to radiate -- regardless of my earthly situation.

    I often joke that I am like Paul in the Bible -- "I have learned to be content, in whatever state I am in..." ;) STATE -- as in Florida... ugh...

    I don't know about you, but as I struggle throughout the year with hating my environment (that is rather strong, I know) I know that I have no choice but to keep it all in the proper light -- am I losing my witness among others because of temperature? What would God have me do about it? Often times, He is more interested in our inner change in the midst of a trial -- than He is in removing us from the trial -- or the state. ;)

    So... I'm hearin' ya -- email me if you ever want to vent. If nothing else, we should trade houses and you can come down here to the heat and I can go up where ever you are and finally get cool! ;)


  11. You've got some great friends in Lissa and Jeanne! I think I would seriously take them up on their offer! There is nothing as fun as laughing and crying with girlfriends to get though a tough time. Deep breathing and hearty laughing are suppose to give you an extra dose of those good chemicals your body needs and they say it also adds years to your life. I meet with my 3 girlfriends as a group once a month and look so forward to it. It helps with my seasonal blues. Also they say you should go outside every day for at least 10 min. even on cloudy days. You still get chemical building good stuff just by standing there in the great outdoors. Both of these help me lots!!

    Becky, I'm glad that you are honest with us in your posts. It is one of the biggest reasons I love to check out your blog everyday! It is one of the biggest reasons I have found you to be a special lady!

    Lee Ann


  12. You are so precious Becky, thank you for trusting us to share this and thank you for being so open, as I am sure you are not the only one who suffers from depression. I admire you for pushing the post button, and just know I am always here for chat, to laugh with, the cast your cares on...that is what friends are for, even if we really haven't met per say...I am here for you! love you! Tara

  13. If you can't share these feelings HERE, where can you?! :) I can't speak for all readers, but I appreciate the posts that help us all realize how normal it is to have ups AND downs in life. How it's OK to not have everything together every minute of the day. That kids won't always say "please" and "thank you" and husbands won't always bring home flowers and rub our feet at the end of a tough day. I think you've got the right idea to focus on purpose. Your blog seems to always find ways to glorify God and give him credit for the blessings in your life. If you keep on that track throughout the sometimes bleak days of winter, I bet things will brighten up. :)

  14. Thank you once again for your honesty Becky, I really appreciate you sharing this with us....take care sweet girl xo

  15. Yes, it happens to me too! I am greatly affected by the sun ~ if the sun is not shining then I am blah... which is all winter long in my neck of the woods. I need to force myself out of the house even if it is just to visit someone.
    We just bought a home so I am planning activities that I can do during the winter. I craft too which helps me to be one season ahead in my mind.
    This SAD seems to affect a lot in my family too and when I see it start in others I try to help to avoid it.
    All the best and know you are not alone

  16. Ya know what I love about you and your blog is your HONESTY. It's so important to acknowledge our feelings and to voice it and push through. This year for some reason I am feeling a bit depressed which I haven't really dealt with in my life as you have. I call it the winter blahs but I think for some of us it runs so much deeper. Why? Who knows but hearing your words makes me feel less alone in it and that helps me in itself. Keep blogging. I love reading.

  17. I have always appreciated your authenticity in your blogging. Don't worry about being a 'downer' this blogging community is such a great way to 'spur one another on toward love and good deeds'.

    I used to live in the midwest and I have heard and can attest that a lot of people that live there suffer from depression because of the gloomy/blah environment there. Winters are long, grey and cold. Try to get as much sunshine as you can. Get out a bit each day, even if it is bitterly cold.

    I noticed a HUGE difference in my attitude during the winter months when we first moved away from Iowa to Denver. While we did get snow and it had chilly days - the sun was shining almost everyday - such a change from the gloomy grey that hovers pretty much from November to March in Iowa!!

  18. Good for you 'keepin' it real' and being able to find it within yourself to be introspective and share your feelings, even though they aren;t shiny and cheerful.

    We all get down and depressed sometimes. Before I got animals I experienced it much more. My dogs, cats, llamas, goats, sheep, chickens, and horse keep me so busy and entertained that it's difficult to get or stay down for long. Oh, and like you said, blogging does wonders for staying preoccupied and not focused on the grey days of winter.

    I think it would also be more challenging to stay cheerful if I lived somewhere with daily grey skies. Here in New Mexico, we have over 330 days of blue sunshiney days. So even though we get some rain and snow, the skies clear quickly and clear the way for sunshine again.

    Hang in there. We can be there for one another to keep our spirits lifted.


  19. No worries about debbie downer...that is what your blog is share your feelings...happy or sad.

    i agree with in mn, the winter is so long...and having 2 year old twins, makes it that much longer...we don't go outside as much, the dog doesn't get a walk every day, and i just want stay in my pjs.

    having some fun activities helped me get through last winter.

  20. I just wanted to say that I appreciate you sharing your heart with us. :) :)

  21. I'm so glad you DID hit publish and post this! I used to really struggle with this myself. It seemed to really come around and hit me out of nowhere once a month like clockwork. Plus, I live in rain-land, so that doesn't help either. I also got blasted with a huge dose of post partum depression after the birth of JJ.

    How I came out of it, was bringing the matter to God everytime I felt the black pit yawning out before me. Quoting scripture against that fear, mainly 2 Timothy 1:7 which says, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-control."

    I needed that verse because I was so afraid of the depression looming ahead, and so afraid that I lacked any power over it through Christ, let alone his God-given self control over my fear. That really helped me big time.

    Also, just getting out for a walk every single day was a very key thing for me. I had a great friend who held me accountable without even trying to, and met me each and every day to walk and discuss life.

    I will keep you in my prayers sweet friend. Much love!

  22. Oh, Becky! Here's another Becky that understands. It's never been a big problem until this year, but it's been such a HARD year! And all the stress of my Daddy's illness and having to be on call 24/7 and having my mother call me 18 times a day about every little thing - and none of them good, and being separated by my old friends from work, and not having enough money, and everything together just made me so depressed! I, too, thought that as a Christian I should be able to deal with it better, ask God to take it from me, but you know as well as I do that it's not that simple.

    And it manifested in a way I think you can understand. I wouldn't allow myself to be creative. I love papercrafting, but from Feb. of this year until late October I wouldn't allow myself the joy of doing something that I loved so much. So, the burden and the weight of depression just got heavier and heavier.

    My dad passed away on 9/12, and by the end of October I started feeling the itch to create again, and I'm so glad I 'allowed' myself to start again, because it is helping me so much! I miss my Daddy like crazy, but he is now whole and healthy and living like never before in God's presence, and doing fine.

    So now I'm trying to learn to live my life without that stressful burden of caring for him, and once again looking for joy in the little things.

    Bless you, sweetie! I'll be praying for a 'lighter' winter for both of us! Becky G. in GA

  23. I struggle with this as well... never quite sure why, and I too, as a Christian feel slightly guilty... I have to remember that God can do anything. I try to stay in the word more and even read Christian Fiction novels to uplift me...

  24. I think many people never admit they get depressed it just comes out in different ways. I live in a cold climate and dislike winter - its very hard as the sun does not show itself very often. I also live in a country town that is very intolerant of its Catholic School and have found this year very difficult dealing with this. When I moved here it knocked me for six as I had never experienced that kind of intolerance before. I hold onto the knowledge that my children are getting the best education I can give them and they will grow to be accepting and tolerant. I didn't realise how much I suffered and coped with this year until a few days ago when it became obvious that my health was suffering. Hard stuff to stand alone and for what you believe - it all contributes to feeling down. The good thing is I can do something about it. Hope you feel a bit brighter with all the great comments. Cheers

  25. I am kind of the opposite: When fall/winter come around, I start to feel much more peaceful and comfortable. The summer is always filled with so many activities, plans for a new school year/job, moving, etc.. I get so stressed out!

    But when the rain comes in, the temperatures drop, and the days grow shorter, I find myself snuggling on the couch with my Gabby.. writing letters to friends wishing them a happy holiday season.. decorating.. baking.. reading TONS of books. I even try to travel this time of year for a change of scenery if things get too cold up here in the Pacific Northwest.

    Maybe try something you've always wanted to this season? Find something to focus on and make it your own little project.. I know you've got ideas (this blog, your Etsy shop, etc.)!! Hope you conquer the "D" word!

  26. I call those times one of my "funks." It's not a seasonal thing for me - more of how I deal with change. Like when I first became a stay at home mom, then again when we moved to a new state where my husband had family and friends, but I had no one. I try to think of the funks as a growth period - from pain comes growth, and I always feel like a better & stronger person when I get through those phases.

  27. My mum suffers from SAD; seasonal affected disorder, as already mentioned. It is a real problem for her and in Scotland, quite a lot of people suffer as the sun drops by 3pm and it's almost dark as the kids are getting out of school.

    I think it is important to blog about these times. I myself am going through something at the moment...something huge that I can't blog about and I so want to; I know to share would probably help but I can't blog it because too many people I pass in the street and have coffee with read it; it's even been passed to some of the kid's teachers! So, I feel I've lost that chance although I will still keep it real when needs must.

    So, blog it, hon, we are interested and will help if we can...I was going to say with humour in our comments but this little ray of sunshine I just shared hardly counts....*L*...but you know what I mean.

    As a wise person one wrote "this too shall pass" and I'm counting on it; I hope you do too.

    Love, Helen xx

  28. Please know that you are in my prayers! I think it is hard sometimes as a new Christian to hold tight and have complete faith that God will see you through. I often make the mistake of standing idly by waiting on him to fix it instead of seeking him in all things, which usually leads to me realizing how insignificant my own problems are. I'm glad you share things like this....probably one of the reasons I feel such a kinship with you. You are probably usually so busy helping others that you are lost when it comes to helping yourself (I know I am one of those people too). Just know that you DESERVE as much as you give to everyone else! Praying for you girl! Know that we have all been there at some point.

  29. Good for you for hitting "publish." I'm glad this is a safe haven where we can talk about these things. But I have to say really quickly that when I saw your title and that first picture, I thought maybe you were thinking of getting a dog and weren't sure if you should post about it. LOL

    Aaaanyway, I never really struggled with depression until we moved north where there's snow and really cold below-freezing temps. The inside-all-day times were so difficult for me. I had to force myself to get out...even if it just meant perusing the aisles of the grocery store. In this small town, we're so secluded that there's not much else to do. I don't know if what I was experiencing was true depression or just lack of connection. But while I love fall and snow and holiday activities, I do yearn for summer months where I get to go outside, plant my garden, walk to the swimming pool with my kids, and all sorts of outdoorsy activities.

    My sister-in-law recently moved from Texas to Washington and she hit a wall of depression hard. But before they put her on meds to numb her emotions, they did one of the smartest things I've heard of and tested her vitamin D levels via a blood test. Sure enough, with the lack of sun up there, she was severely lacking in Vitamin D. And, as we've learned, lack of vitamin D causes extreme depression and mood swings (hence the depression season usually being fall/winter). They started the D supplements and continued to test til her levels were right and VOILA (you, apparently, can't just take supplements...the levels need to be right in order for it to work).

    I also understand that several other natural supplements, like Omega 3, can help in those instances. I started Calcium-Magnesium which also has vitamin D. And I recently read that B-12 is another supplement I should look into when I begin to feel a little down. Also, I'm supposed to check into a high-quality tanning bed during the winter months because, besides the sun, it's supposedly the best/safest way to get the right amounts of Vitamin D (even over the pill option). I don't have access to that, though. And it sounds so funny to tell the hubby, "Hey babe, I'm feeling a little depressed. I'm going to go get a quick tan. M'k?"

  30. Hi Becky - Just thought I'd let you know that Joyce Meyer has had 2 shows on this exact same thing this week on TV. Here is her website I think you can probably listen or watch the show on line. The other thing is she also had this week only for a donation of $30 is a book and CDs on the same subject. Might be something to check out.

  31. I fight with it too, Becky.

    I surround myself with color. As much as possible. Even though I LOVE all these blogs with the pictures of pretty white/faded/shabby decor, I have to have color. Lots of it!

    I wear a lot of color, especially in the winter. Hot pink, emerald green, red, yellow, fuchsia, whatever.

    And I try to get as much sunshine as possible. When I can't get any, I take vitamin D supplements. It really seems to help!

  32. Oh Becky, I've been reading your blog for a while now...and you have never been a downer! You are real, truthful, and inspiring:) And, you are not alone! I don't know that I would officially be diagnosed with SAD, but I dread the winter. And those gray, cold, gloomy days really get me down, too. Do something you enjoy, take care of yourself, and find some light, any light, to "bask" in. And, this is really important...keep blogging! Please:) Hugs!

  33. Well there is no downer in this post. I think you were made for such a time as this. I needed to hear that. I am in the "D" right now and I am withdrawing from every one. Not good, I know. Your words are like salve to my wounds. Thanks. I will pray for you and maybe that will take my mind off of me.

  34. Well done for pressing the "publish" button! I hope everyone's comments have encouraged you or at least made you feel less alone in this feeling of sadness. Part of life's rich tapestry, right? There's a Christian writer called Julie Barnhill who writes just wonderfully on this subject. She's forthright and encouraging, doesn't make a mountain out of a molehill and if you get a chance, I hope you look her up on Amazon. One of her books is called "One Tough Mother" - don't you love that! Meredith xo.

  35. I am so glad you did hit the push button because even though those posts are hard...sometimes the blogging community has been my best listeners/supporters...I struggle sometimes with posts because I feel the same with posting things that are not always fun, happy, etc....but then I realized you know what we all go through things...and if I want to have the "real" me on my blog then I better post my struggles as well as everything else...

    You are a great person...that we all know just by reading your blog...everyone has great things to say but everyone who follows you is here to support you!...keep blogging about whatever your heart desires...give yourself things to look forward to...if it works out for your friends to visit...go for it!!! I'm sure that visit would be so good for you!

    And your artwork is beautiful I hope you hang it everywhere to make you smile!

  36. i know exactly, 100% what you're talking about. I've been diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder, and i've taken prescriptions for it before, because sometimes no matter how much exercise i get, praying and taking vitamin d, it's not enough to really keep me feeling "myself". i think the most important thing is to know you're not alone! and keep doing whatever works for you.

  37. My daughter and husband suffers from severe depression. It gets worse in the winter. I change the light bulbs in the house to simulate the sun. I make sure they eat organic, as much as I can, if I could I would get them to walk. I have also tried to teach my daughter to act in the moment and not to worry about the past or future. By this I mean, if you do the dishes, just do the dishes and don't worry about the laundry. As you know, depression is a disease and if you need meds, then take them or at least get counseling.
    Please get enough sleep which is hard for us mothers. I hope you feel better and just knowing that you have all your blog freinds must be comforting too!

  38. I am sorry that I missed this today. I will call you with some suggestions that work for a friend of mine....and it looks like I am coming to Minnesota:-) What the heck...don't you think all of us meeting in Mexico would help you more..just saying!!!!

  39. Ditto!! I go through the same thing too....I'm always experimenting with different things to do to make it better...sometimes its really easy for me to overwhelm myself...

    Youre brave for writing about it...I have a hard time expressing myself when it comes to that..

    Right now what's helped is joining a painting class and a local painting club. And writing my blog...I use it to remind me of the things that make me happy....

  40. becky,i know it took a brave heart to share. not that it makes you feel better but your transparency will allow the lord to minister to you thru others.
    don't listen to the lie that you should feel guilty or that you're alone in your thoughts.
    i have been there too & i understand you can't just talk yourself out of those thoughts.
    as hard as it is try not to isolate yourself.
    you are loved by many & you're in my prayers sweet friend

  41. I toatally get like this too. Last year it was worse than ever, my mom passed on October 26th right before the holidays and three days before that my husband ws diagnosed with non hodgkins lymphoma. It was a LONG hard winter.
    This year is better, but I to feel the anxiety of the post holiday months. I've started a list of projects to work on and recently I think I found my voice with my blog as well. It has really helped to give me something to look forward to and work on every day.


    After moving to the mid-west from LA, I find that after December, the spirits go down! WHY OH WHY DOES WINTER HAVE TO LAST UNTIL APRIL?? This is sooooooo depressing UUGHH! So lets keep each other up this year. I also started blogging a year ago, but only recently opened up to the blogging public. I can't believe I have been missing out on all of this blog love!! Please visit me throughout the long winter. I'm hoping the blog will keep me busy and not in the dumps. God hears you babe! OH and btw? Is that pic of your farm??? I'M SOOO JEALOUS!! We have a farm, and I would have never thought in a million years that I would be a farmer, (raised in Orange County California) SO hopefully by following each other I will learn from you.

  43. I'm with you...So glad you had the courage to be real about this truggle!!! I have this every year, too, although mine doesn't set in until right after Christmas is over. The busy-ness of the season helps delay it a bit. But I fight it with everything I've got. Exercise is the BEST way to combat it. I didn't read through all the other comments and I'm sure someone has discussed this, but there are studies that show that exercise is as effective as medication in the short-term for fighting depression and MORE EFFECTIVE in the long-term. I run, with a friend, in the ice and snow, twice a week and exercise vigourously indoors on the days I don't run. I also have found that taking fish oil helps. I know you run, but don't know if this is new for you or if you've been doing it for awhile. I would be curous to hear if exercise works for you. Have you tried it?

  44. Becky,
    Sending hugs your way right this minute!!


  45. Becky,

    you have no idea how close to home this post is for me. I can so relate! Just know that I am thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer. Thank you for being brave enough to hit the publish button.


  46. My first thought was seasonal defective disorder. Whatever it is, I wish you strength and peace and I think you should be very proud to have put up this post today. The holidays can be hard and your blogging is honest.

  47. Becky you are soooo precious and soooo honest. That definately draws me to read your blog daily. I too suffer from depression but it is controlled by Celexa. I have been on it 11 yrs. now and feel 110% better.

  48. Becky,
    Know that you have your fellow blogger friends always here for support....always reach out. You're so precious to speak out and be open/honest/real.
    Light therapy truly works for me. When the skies are gray/gloomy outside, I find that having all my little lamps and lighting on in the house, helps alot.
    You have a great support network, what a wonderful blessing.
    Your inspirational blogs lift me so much, as well as your beautiful Playlist music!
    Wishing you a beautiful, light filled day & many blessings,

  49. Oh, I struggle with this too. There are days when I turn on all the lights in the house but I still feel like I can't see -- like everything is dim, or there is a dark veil over my eyes. I've worked out some strategies that help a lot (which I just posted on Hollywood Farm so I'll spare you my "wisdom") but depression can still get the better of me.

    I think the more honest we are when we blog, the more we help ourselves and others. I appreciate you writing about this.

  50. I struggle with the winter blues for sure. I sometimes have days where I just want to cry all day. When I feel down I find that upbeat music (reggae!) helps me, as does surrounding myself with color, especially through painting - walls, furniture, rocks, wood, paper, etc.!

  51. Hi Becky, thanks so much for commenting on my blog!!

    Depression is something I know too much about. I love reading the posts where you are SO real, because it is so reassuring to know that we are not alone in these struggles.

    I completely relate the guilt of depression associated with Christianity, like I should be able to pray my way out of it. I just had to accept that while I know God wants be to remain in prayer, he has also given me ways and tools to battle through.

    When I get down, I continue to pray and tell me self all day, to just BE PRESENT. When I go inside of my mind I miss out on things that are happening now, by worrying about what may or may not happen in the future. I don’t want to miss the opportunity to spend time with those I love, witness to people, enjoy myself, etc. while I am here! Take care of yourself!

  52. I'm so glad you are reaching out... i think the distractin, your art and connecting to all your readers can help you pull through the winter months. You are not alone!!! By January I feel restless... i want to repaint perfectly good rooms and change things... which I fight within myself not too cause if i did it would cause conflict at home spending money where it doesn't need to be spent. If that makes any sense. Thinking of you,

  53. Definitely blog through it. I think that blogs need to be as real and open and honest as possible. Ups and down included.

    We are here for it all. To relate to.

    Anything less wouldn't be human.

    As for depression, I honestly believe that while there are many ways and things to try....if nothing else works....God does and CAN heal through medicine. Never feel guilty about that.


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