When I was a little girl, maybe Little Chick's age, I had a mentally handicapped uncle who sexually molested me. He would have me sit on his lap (he was wheelchair bound) and then he would put his hands down my pants. You can imagine at that young age how confusing it was. I remember feeling scared, angry, shameful, dirty and then guilty because it was a new "feeling" I hadn't experienced before. I would hide from him and I remember once locking myself away upstairs where he couldn't get to me and no one could find me. When I did finally share what happened I felt like I wasn't taken too seriously. He couldn't help himself...he was handicapped.
I really don't ever think about it, but I know subconsciously I do. I am a little paranoid when it comes to my own girls. We have talks all of the time about inappropriate touching and being able to come to us about anything, no matter how embarrassing or shameful.
As I share this I know many of you have experienced the same thing...some on a much more severe level. It's rare that we make it through life without some sort of abuse, whether it's sexual, physical or emotional. We live in a fallen world and sin is all around us. We carry these bruises with us into adulthood and they manifest themselves as masks to protect ourselves. Masks of perfectionism, hardened exteriors, depression, insecurities, trust issues or walls to keep people from knowing who we really are. We don't have to carry these things with us. Those deep secrets and hidden emotions need to be let go and the only way I believe real healing happens is if we lay them at the foot of the cross. So I just want to pray with you:
Someone out there needs to know that the past is past.
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